Fears and Weaknesses
by lysmachine
Summary: Snape was a proud man, but he had his weaknesses, however, when confronted with his fears. Does he confront these weaknesses as strengths? Very mild SSRL. it's better than the summary I promise you.


Disclaimer:

Me: I own nothing!

Alan Rickman: Did your weird mind not make up the plot?

Me: What? Oh Yea, That, yea, that's mine. I'll just, I'll just have it back.. Thanks…

Weaknesses and Fears

Severus Snape was a proud man. One who very rarely went out of character, for that was a sign of weakness. Something he did not endure. Weakness was for frail men, those who had grown up with the illusion of forgiveness and that strength came from company. Weakness derived from being maulicaudled from the worlds impurities, it's sickly disgusting scars that only delved into the hearts of those who had to bear and endure them. That is how Severus Snape lived. As one of these men, those who were hit and bombarded with the shit that life threw at him. He lived from these experiences and moved with them, not from them. Refusing to let go of his past and letting himself be constantly reminded of the reasons why he was in the position he was always in. Be it the sweet smile of Albus Dumbledore or the despised boy he was sworn to protect. Lily's green eyes penetrated the demenour every time Snape sneered at 'Potter' and calmed him enough that he wouldn't hex the boy. There was one thing however, that Severus Snape valued above most of his reminders. The werewolf. Lupin was a boy he grew up with, perhaps not as friends, but not as enemies. Until the night Black sent him the Shack. Severus was constantly reminded of the snarling beast, the elongated snout, the impossibly crimson eyes and the vision of his imminent death. He was never reminded of Potter rescuing him, nor the aftermath and the reasons Black and Lupin were allowed to stay at Hogwarts and continue their studies. This was unimportant to him. For every time he looked at Lupin, he felt something different, not weak, but stronger, stronger than the way Lily made him feel. After the 'Mudblood' day she was a memory, important, a friend not significant until later years. After Lupin found out what had happened, he stayed distant from Severus up until they taught together in Hogwarts some 20 years later. Snape was reminded of the eyes, the beast and the growl, however it made him look closer at the man Lupin had become, it made him notice his smile, his ability to hold the attention of a room without speaking, his unmistakable talent in the Defence Against the Dark Arts field. Snape realised that after 20 years, the reason that he went to the shack that night still remained. He was intrigued by Lupin, he wanted to know all of the wolf's tawdry quirks; the way he took his tea, the way he yawned with his eyes open, whether he tied his shoes manually or magically. Upon working with Lupin for months and brewing his potion for him, Severus realised his weakness. Remus Lupin.

In Lupin he saw the man who unknowingly shaped the man Snape has become. For without the incident at the Shack, Snape would never had gone on to research potions and cures for lycanthropy, never would he have defended the boy in his head so defiantly and never would he realise that he wanted Lupin safe. Snape could not explain to himself, so he found it difficult to explain to others how he felt about the wolf. However, Snapes intentions were made clear one Tuesday afternoon in a routine DADA class Lupin was teaching to his third years.

Snape was to deliver Lupin his potion at 4pm, after the class had left, however, Professor Sprout had asked the Potions Master to help her with a particularly nasty Mandrake who had a problem with sleeping, asking him to bring some sleeping draught with him. Therefore, Lupin would have to receive his potion now. As Snape walked up the stairs to the DADA classroom he always yearned for, he couldn't help but think about Lupin's teaching methods. He knew that the Professor was to be using a Boggart in today's class and teaching the students to repel it. Clever, Snape thought, that a man who looked as weak as a house elf had the strength to hold a Boggart off for an hour. As Snape neared the door, he heard the students laugh as Dean Thomas performed 'Riddikulus' on his Boggart, making a severed human hand snap tight in a mousetrap. As Snape crossed the floor of the classroom, the class made a path for him. He was staring intently at Lupin curious and attracted as always. As he approached the front of the line of students, the Potions Master passed a steaming Goblet to the man in front of him. Lupin received the goblet with a small smile, an action that came simultaneous with a THUMP.

The class, two teachers included turned towards the source of the noise. In the centre of the room, in front of an old wardrobe was a body, one whose face was turned away from the class. Shabby robes and messy brown hair covered the body, a male body at that. Snape looked intrigued at the creature, knowing it was a Boggart, not knowing whose it was. He edged slowly towards it as Lupin edged towards the students, quietly telling them to look away and collect their things. As Snape neared the man, he reached out to the body and felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to be met with startling amber eyes. Lupin ensured the last student had left, a Ravenclaw who forgot her quill and kneeled down behind Snape.

'This is something you have never done before isn't it?' Lupin asked.

Snape looked at his shoulder, Lupins hand still resting on it.

'I do not know what you mean Lupin' Snape spat, almost gently. For a spit.

Lupin smiled, 'You are a proud man Severus, I know this. You seem the type to never let weaknesses touch you. However I don't think you realise that weaknesses are what has shaped your life.'

Snape shot his head back towards Lupin and away from the man on the floor. 'What are you insinuating, Wolf? That you understand my life?'

Lupin again, smiled at the Potions master. Removing his hand, he sat down on the floor, still behind the raven haired man. 'Harry, the object of your protection. Was brought about because of your love for his mother, a weakness we are all allowed. Dumbledore kept you out of ranks with You-Know-Who and you were thankful. This again, is something that you would not like to face. That you needed help to get to where you are today'

Snape was suddenly hit with a wave of emotion for the man in front of him. He then gave into his weaknesses and reached up a hand to him. Snape gently caressed Lupins cheek and stared deep into his eyes. Lupin leaned into the hand, promises of much more to come and a relationship to be mended.

'Severus,' The potions master had closed his eyes and opened them to reveal beautiful obsidian depths.

'you have to face your weaknesses, its what makes your stronger.'

Snape understood and removed his hand from Lupin. Lupin stood up and walked towards the door stopping just outside, turning to Snape and nodding understandingly. Lupin knew that someone's worst fear, should be realised alone and fought back. Of course the werewolf would intervene if necessary but he had a pretty strong intuition it wasn't going to be.

Snape, still staring and the place where Lupin once stood took a deep breath and slowly pivoted in his kneeling position. The man in front of him was clearly dead, something that scared Snape already, without knowing who he was, if he feared only one person dead, what did it show about the Potions Master? It showed weakness. Severus got very angry, very quickly, and his head began to swim. What had the werewolf done to him? Surely he hadn't touched the creature? Let alone feel something for it? However many questions Snape asked himself, he realised he was fighting a losing battle. Lupin was, as much as it pained the cold hearted man to admit it. Lupin was the man he loved. Immediately the Potions master did not need to know his worst fear, because he had his best dream. And it was standing outside the door to the classroom. Severus took one last look at the unidentified man on the floor and rose. His mind was confused, should he face his fear or run to his weakness. His minds eye wandered to the many possibilities of the shape the Boggart could have taken and why it was a man and a dead one at that. Not the fate he was to suffer at the hands of the dark lord should he fail. Snape quickly wiped his thoughts and slowly reached down to the man, he reached to pull the cloak away when he changed his mind. Slowly he picked the man up and opened the wardrobe, placing the man gently in the bottom of it, he tucked in a familiar robe and thought nothing more of it. Closing the door on his fear he swiftly turned and, robes billowing, made his way towards his weakness.


End file.
